Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
