I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
