im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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