Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
