tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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