I think I won the penis lottery.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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