sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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