is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
