I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
