Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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