Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Damn victory sex feels great
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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