U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i came on her dog
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
