Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
