I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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