is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
