I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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