when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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