i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
two words: eviction party
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
