Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
