It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
