is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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