he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
