Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So squirting runs in the family.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Drunk is not a location!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
