Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize