the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
