I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
