if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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