1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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