i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
