There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
