is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
