Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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