I have demons in me.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
