I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
it's like iHOP with fire
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
