carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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