Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Houston, we have a squirter
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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