glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
