God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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