There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
