my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
