my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
