I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
