I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
