Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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