cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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