i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
