your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
