i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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