tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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