I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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