I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
