Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
