There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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