i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
