I think I died a long time ago.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
