ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She's the barista slut.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
