i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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