I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
