I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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