u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
