last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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