I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
