so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
