I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
