The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
