JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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