i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
