So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
