She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
