OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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