I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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