my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.