Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
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Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
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Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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