3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated