Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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